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Mastering Joy on East Street


By Stefani Dawn

Potrero Chico – Jungle Warfare (5.7)
 
I look up at the climb. The wall angle is leisurely, the holds clear, and the bolts are mostly in view. As much I have been sandbagged on supposed 5.7s, this climb truly looks like the grade. I am relieved, giddy even.

For the first time in my climbing history I am completely relaxed before leading an outdoor climb. This comes as a surprise, especially since the climb is new to me, it is the initial climb of the day, and the first bolt is a hefty 20 feet or so up.  Usually such a high bolt would merit a stick clip or a bail if unclippable, but I feel confident about reaching the bolt straight on. I can see, with confidence, that the angle and holds are forgiving. I will not fall.

It often takes several moves, or even an entire climb, to screw on my climbing head, but here, in this unique moment, that head is already on. Typically I am plagued by apprehension or anxiety before leading outside - feelings that place wedges in my variable confidence. But in this moment, fear and anxiety are in deep rest. I am grateful.

I spread my body across the rock, stepping up a few inches, testing holds, getting a feel for the surface. It’s heavenly. The friction is like superglue and the holds are juggy and softer than other climbs in the area. My sore fingers feel relief. As the climb unfolds, I discover the bolts are well placed, never too far apart and allowing solid body positions for clipping.

The flow of this climb is sweet. With its ease I can absorb my surroundings. The limestone is beautiful. Shades of grey and occasional spirals of fossilized shells grace the surface. Intermittent veins and pockets of crystal add to the texture and character.

The route name, Jungle Warfare, hints at the abundance of plant life. Cacti, Yucca, and Mesquite, all laden with thorns, force your attention, but are additive rather than a distraction. I am in a terrarium, peaceful and surreal. I study the plants as I pass, admiring their resourcefulness, surviving on centimeters of soil in a pocket. 

With each step, I fall in love with Jungle Warfare. I fall in love with how it makes me feel. When its over, I let the dark clouds of deprecating thoughts, such as “it’s only a 5.7,” slide away. Instead, I allow myself to fully experience joy - an accomplishment greater than the climb itself.

As the warmth of the desert rays penetrate my skin, I consider my habits of the past - climb harder, get the next grade, do better. I have allowed unrealistic, externally imposed standards for climbing to invade me, such as “you only really completed the climb if it was on-sighted without a rest or fall,” or “you aren’t a real climber unless you are climbing 12s or harder.” For some, such standards are motivational. In my psyche they are toxic and destructive. I must be willing to let all of these things go, along with long-lived habits of insecurity and self-judgment.

To be clear, I love climbing. But on this day, on this wall in Potrero Chico, my experience is a revelation. It has shown me a peace when leading that I have never previously felt (except, perhaps, in the security of a top rope). This revelation births a goal that is truly meaningful, to climb and lead climb with relaxed joy.

But what sounds simple may or may not be.  

To achieve this goal, what does it require? Only leading climbs that are very clearly easy? In reality, rarely does such obviousness occur, even with 5.7s. Climbing outdoors is rife with the unknown and sandbags are commonplace.

Does it mean I need to get physically stronger? Perhaps. Being stronger makes climbs feel easier. But I sense this is not really the complete answer, as I have been “stronger” and still not achieved that state of mind.

Certainly this requires a transformation in my head, but how? I am aware of the crippling nature of my thoughts, and have spent my adult life trying to transform them - meditating, reading, counseling, martial arts. If I could have flipped a magic switch to turn off fear, apprehension, and insecurity and turn on relaxed joy, I would have done so long ago. It is not necessarily a matter of rigid discipline, shutting down the fear. I do not want to crank fear's faucet closed. Rather, I want to turn up the faucet of joy.

But given the slow and variable nature of mental transformation, I also have to wonder, Do I need to tone down my expectations or to train in a new way? Perhaps it is not realistic to think I will consistently be able to jump on a new lead climb and experience what I felt on Jungle Warfare. But having tasted the elixir, I desire it again.

An intermediate solution I have explored is to not lead climbs blindly but to test the waters via top rope first. Then, lead the climb if the spirit moves me, setting up the experience of relaxed joy in a controlled setting - creating a new muscle memory and mental experiences, confidence, that can be habituated and tapped into.

Letting go of self-judgement in the moment and replacing it with understanding while climbing is freeing. If I am scared it's ok to be scared. If I need to take at the next bolt or down climb to the last one, sit down and cry, or breathe, then I will - without self judgement. Accepting those needs, and thoughts and feelings allows me to move on when I am ready.

I am changing the internal paradigm and it takes time. I have to circle back to my epiphany and remind myself of the true goal – to climb with relaxed joy - and taking these steps help make that happen. I have to acquiesce to the exploration and experimentation it will take to achieve it.


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      • Featured Photographer: Matt Spohn
      • Grading Commitment
      • Hanging with the Monkeys, and Getting the Monkey Off My Back
      • It Was His Time: Brad Gobright Interview May 2019
      • John Middendorf : A Big Man for a Big Stone
      • Sébastien Berthe Free Climbs the Nose From the Ground Up
      • Shit Happens – Or, Why You Need a Walkie Talkie
    • Developers and Guidebook Authors >
      • Developer - Mitch Lehman
      • Andrew Penny - A Blue Mountaineer
      • Kevin Powell
      • Rock Star Groupie
      • Tony Calderone
    • Exploring Our World >
      • AUSTRALIA - Photographer - Diego Perez
      • AUSTRALIA - Profile - Julie Anderson
      • Book Review - Climbing Rock
      • CHINA - From Yangshuo, to Getu, to Liming
      • FRANCE - Verdon in Winter
      • GREECE - Meteora
      • ITALY - Dolomites
      • MEXICO - La Huasteca
      • SPAIN - Artist - Karmelo Onate
      • UTAH - Maple Canyon: This One Makes You Taller
    • Firsts... and Last >
      • A Tale of Oso Madre
      • Clayton Herrmann - Featured Photographer
      • Rysavy Ridge >
        • The Migrant Pom on Rysavy Ridge
        • Throng of Roland
        • Fast Forward - Rysavy Ridge Revisited
      • The Three Sisters
    • Honoring Diversity >
      • ARTIST: Shawn Lee
      • A Shift on Moonlight Buttress
      • Claiming a Space on the Mountain
      • Colorblind
      • Feature Photographer: Bryan Sillorequez
      • Is Diversity in America Diverse?
      • MOVIE: People of Climbing:
      • Profile - Favia Dubyk
      • The Lineage
    • Joshua Tree >
      • Bouldering: JTree Made Me Do It
      • Improv at JTree: Bad Bolts
      • JTree: Bolting Pressure Cooker
      • Joshua Tree: Heinous Approaches
    • Overcoming Adversity >
      • Acopa Outdoors
      • Anoushe Husain
      • Expanding the Circle
      • Failure is Part of the Price: Rand Abbott Attempts the First Adaptive Lead Ascent of The Nose
      • Overcoming a Brain Tumor: WeighMyRack Founder Interview: Alison Dennis
      • Rising
      • The Mountain Path Book Review
    • Overcoming Boundaries >
      • Photographer - Brook Anderson
      • Profile - Louise Shepherd
      • Profile - Megan Banker
      • Profile - Shawn Axelrod
      • Rock Type 1
      • The Tape Job
    • Women's Edition >
      • Editorial - Women's Edition
      • Climbing is My Art
      • Mt. Logan Solo
      • Photographer - Michelle Ranee Johnson
      • Profile - Caitlin Schokker
  • Writing
    • All Writings (List)
    • Topics >
      • Adaptive Climbing >
        • Adaptive Climbing Edition
        • El Capitan: Enock Glidden
        • Failure is Part of the Price: Rand Abbott Attempts the First Adaptive Lead Ascent of The Nose
        • Quinn Brett Interview
        • My Journey to Adaptive Rock Climbing
        • Planning for Mt. Rainier: Adaptive Climbing
        • Resources - Adaptive Climbing
        • Single Pitch Instructor Adaptive: It's About Climbing Independence
      • Alpine & Ice >
        • A Chamonix Initiation
        • California Still Has Untouched Climbing Wilderness
        • Elusive Ice - A Rare Tasmanian Treat
        • Ice Solo
        • Mt. Ogden Spanking
        • Mt. Whitney Whipping
        • My Common Alpine Epic
        • The Dru Derby >
          • Horses for Courses - The Dru Derby 1971
          • My Dru Derby
          • The North Face of the Dru - Chris Baxter
        • Vertical Ice Climbing in Ontario, Canada, eh?
      • Profiles >
        • Climberisms by Dylan Taylor
        • A - Shawn Axelrod - Overcoming Boundaries
        • B - Megan Banker - Plus-Sized Climbing Advocate
        • B - Wendy Bruere - More Than It Hurts
        • D - Favia Dubyk - American Ninja Warrior
        • F - Debbie Fowler - A N00bie Climber's Story
        • E - Ian Elliot - It's All Up From Here
        • H - Lindsey Hamm - The Hamminator
        • H - Sabine Pratt Hunziker - Little Red Riding Hood
        • M - Marisa Michael - Nutrition for Climbers
        • M - Josie McKee: Training the Mind for Joy
        • P - Dave Parry - Author Grit Blocs
        • S - Caitlin Schokker
        • S - Louise Shepherd - Aussie Legend
        • T - Mia Tucholke - IFMGA Mountain Guide
      • Comics >
        • Master and his Apprentice
        • Totem Pole 2082
      • CoVID and Climbing >
        • COVID Climbing Memes
        • CoVID-19 Remakes Our Lives
        • Dear Memory
        • From Couch to Lifting Couches
        • How to Climb and Avoid the Corona Virus
        • Train the Mind: Mental Toughness Tips for Quaratraining
        • The 5.10 Commandments
        • Trying to Send this Route
      • Equipment (writings) >
        • Aliens!
        • A Rack Retrospective
        • Cam Ranges (+ Big Bros)
        • Carabiner Strength Ratings
        • Climbing Shoes Fit
        • Guide Book Follies
        • Rope Buying 101
        • Shit Happens – Or, Why You Need a Walkie Talkie
        • The One Item to Stockpile
        • Which Way Should I Carry My Trad Rack?
        • Why GriGris Suck
        • 8 Reasons I Carry a Full Rack on Every Trad Climb
      • Facebook Feature >
        • FF: Big Walls
        • FF: Butt Shots
        • FF: Exploring Our World
        • FF: Overcoming Boundaries
        • FF: Trees & Climbing
        • FF: Welcome New Climbers
      • Fiction >
        • GOD
        • Red Curtain: Prologue & Chapter 1 Excerpt
      • Gift Ideas >
        • Climbing Goods
        • Climbing Stocking Stuffers 2021
        • Rock Stack Card Game
        • Safety Gifts 2021
      • Grades, Styles, & Types >
        • Absolutely Hypothetical: Introducing the Graham Scale
        • Bouldering-Falling
        • Bouldering Grade Advancements
        • Grading Climbs at the Gym
        • It's a F-ing Chimney
        • Onsight vs Flash vs Etc...
        • Top 10: Increase the Climbing Grade When...
        • Trad Climbing is for Chicken Sh*#s
        • WTF 5.7?
        • 18 Climber Types: Which Are You?
      • Kids >
        • Family Stages
        • The Guidebook
      • Legends & Tributes >
        • B - John Brailsford Tribute - The Immaculate MOAC
        • A - Bryden Allen
        • B - Joe Brown
        • C - Cutcliffe - The Boy from Bothwell – A Tribute to Max Cutcliffe, an Australian Legend
        • G - Brad Gobright
        • G - Todd Gordon
        • H - Hugh Herr
        • H - Thomas Huber - In Another World - A Personal Climbing Journey
        • J - Saxon Johns
        • M - Tim Macartney-Snape: ​A Legend from Sea to Summit
        • M - John Middendorf
        • S- Paul Seddon - From a Nut to a Harness: A Tribute to Paul Seddon, The Third Troll
        • R - Early to Rock: David Roots
      • Mental-Physical >
        • Climbing Training Series >
          • Climbing Warm-Up: Shoulders & Fingers
          • Improving Hip Mobility
          • Rock Climber Mobility
          • Train the Mind: Mental Toughness Tips for Quaratraining
        • Climbing Through Life
        • A Climb Worth Fighting For
        • Achilles
        • Encouraging Words - At Any Age
        • Everyone Around Me Is Better Than I Am
        • Falling Far Enough
        • Fear, Pride, and Exploration
        • How Auto-Immune Disease Affected My Climbing
        • Lessons from a 30-foot Ground Fall
        • Mastering Joy on Easy Street
        • Mind, Body, and Soul
        • My Demon Has a Name
        • New Year's Resolutions
        • Of Cartoons and Quickdraws
        • Push and Pull
        • Sorcerer and the Kidney Stone
        • Take Risks - You'll Remember Them Later
        • The Art of Climbing Without Rock
        • The Devil's Game
        • The Eye
        • The Taste of Climbing
        • 12-Weeks to Onsighting a 5.8
      • Other/Misc >
        • A Leap into the Blue Back in the Day
        • Animal Acts Part 1: Things with Wings
        • Animal Acts 2: Things That Slither, Crawl, and Walk
        • Assault on Schurman Rock
        • Christo's Little Bay Rhapsody
        • Climbing, Community, and the U.S. Presidential Election
        • Climbing Drinking Games
        • Climbing Gyms: The Gateway Drug
        • Climbing Hands
        • Climbing in the Bare Essentials
        • Climbing Resolutions
        • Dirtbag Trucker
        • Demented Dirtbag
        • Don't Take Granite for Granite
        • Dorothy, We Aren't on Havana Anymore
        • Guatemalan Worry Dolls Go Climbing
        • No Health Insurance Changed How I Climb
        • Snakes and Ladders
        • Starting Over
        • Summit Fever
        • Sydney: Growing Up
        • The Adventure of A Lifetime - So Far
        • The Bane of Northwest Climbing
        • The Hangglider Incident
        • The Pink Tricam
        • Things of Stone and Wood
        • We Were Just Boys
        • Zac the Interloper
      • Places & Climbs >
        • Climbs >
          • Consolation Prize
          • Echo Crack and Cracked Egos
          • Email From Italy
          • Flakes and Shakes: Flake Crack Revisited
          • From Yorkshire to Eternity
          • I Like Fake Cracks (And I Cannot Lie)
          • Lost Boys Meets Hard Boys >
            • The Lost Boys: The Epic First Ascent of Mount Warning's Wollumbin Shield
          • Ozymandias Direct - Fifty Years of Fun and Games
          • The Fourth Bolt of Texas Radio
          • Thumbing The Nose at Mr. CF Jingus
          • Tiptoeing Through Some Bungles
          • Tombstone Territory
          • Yosemite - What We Came For
        • Location Reviews
        • My Home Crag >
          • Climbing in the Upper Cumberland Valley, Kentucky
          • Copen Hill Climbing Wall
          • Drytooling in the Rain - Wayne's World, WA
          • My Home Crag: Nowra, NSW, Australia
          • New River Gorge, West Virgina
          • The Kenyan Climber
        • Travel Stories >
          • Blue Mountains - Bliss: Climbing in the Blueys
          • Buenos Aires, Argentina Crag
          • Colorado - Calling Pat Ament
          • Coolum Cave - Sendfest 8
          • Ecuador - A Nation of Four Worlds
          • Egypt: The Sinai Sampler
          • El Potrero Chico - Riding the Dirty Dog
          • Yosemite: Growing Up
          • Lover's Leap - Zone of Craptitude
          • Moonarie
          • Rio de Janeiro - Classic Climbs Sampler
          • Sintra, Portugal
          • Taghia, Morocco - Hardly Failing
          • Tasmania - Legend of the ‘Unclimbable Cliff’
          • Thailand - Lost and Found: A Mini-Epic in Paradise
          • Vedauwoo, WY
          • What Two Friends Uncovered in Verdon
          • Yosemite - What We Came For
          • 20 World Destinations for Adventurous Climbing
      • Poetry/Prose >
        • A Bard of Yosemite
        • Anti-Social Climbers
        • Sojourn at Dyuritte
        • Finding Poetry
        • Ice is Nice
        • The Space Between
      • Safety and Skills >
        • Bolting and Ground-Fall Potential
        • Euro-Death Knot is NOT
        • Multi-Pitch Tips: Two ATCs
        • Sketchy Anchor Bolts
        • Sliding-X Anchor
        • Three Ways to Use a Stick Clip
        • Top 10: Climbing Best Practices
      • Social, Social Media, & Social Issues >
        • Chossy Trio Renegades
        • Climbing into the Fold
        • Diversity in Climbing is Not a Bandwagon
        • Don't Burn Out
        • From Gortex to Camouflage: The story of climber, Irina Galay and climbing’s responses to the war in Ukraine
        • Fuck "Gumbies" and "Noobs"
        • I Am a Woman: Brie Chartier Shares Her Transition Journey
        • Montana, My Home: Claire Larson
        • My Husband Climbs Stronger than Me
        • Navajo Rising
        • Social Network Rescue
        • Social Pressure, Climbing, and Leave No Trace
        • The Alps Will Have to Wait
        • The First Climbing Gym Union?
  • Marketplace
    • Acopa Outdoors
    • Butora
    • Climbing Addicts Colored Chalk
    • Climb-On Maps
    • Dynamite Starfish
    • FIXEhardware
    • Furnace Industries
    • Grimpi
    • Heroclip
    • Lacaida Ropes
    • Mountain Drifter
    • MoveWell with McGee
    • Mystery Ranch
    • Neilico
    • NW Alpine
    • Rockytalkies
    • SLAPCHALKS
    • Tension Climbing
    • Tera Kaia
  • Reviews
    • Book Reviews >
      • Advanced Rock Climbing Book Review
      • Adventures at the Edge of the World
      • Climbing Glass Book Review
      • Climbing Rock: Vertical Explorations Across North America
      • Hangdog Days Book Review
      • HOOKING UP: The Ultimate Big Wall and Aid Climbing Manual
      • Paul Preuss: Lord of the Abyss
      • Red Curtain - Book Review
      • Sydney Climbing - Book Review
      • The Greater Fool - Brad Gobright and the Blinding Shine of Originality
      • The Mountain Path Book Review
      • The Sharp End of Life: A Mother's Story - Book Review
      • Uncoiling the Ropes
      • Valley of Giants
      • Yosemite Bigwalls: The Ultimate Guide Review
    • Equipment/Gear Reviews >
      • Belay Device Review >
        • Edelrid Mega Jul
      • Harness Reviews >
        • ArcTeryx-FL-365
        • Misty Mountain Cadillac
      • Packs and Bags >
        • Sukoa Chalk Bag Review
        • Trango Crag Pack
      • Personal Anchor Systems >
        • Camp-Daisy-Twist
        • Petzl-Dual-Adjust
      • Other Gear Reviews >
        • D4 Delta2P Portaledge
        • Skyhook Stick Clip Review
    • Location Reviews >
      • Australia >
        • Queensland, Australia >
          • Kangaroo Point Photos and Beta
          • Kangaroo Point Review
        • New South Wales Australia >
          • Blue Mountains >
            • Blue Mountains Photos and Beta
            • Blue Mountains Review
          • Nowra >
            • Nowra Review >
              • Nowra Photos and Beta
      • Mexico >
        • Potrero Chico Photos and Beta
        • Potrero Chico Review
      • United States >
        • Climbing Area Check List - U.S. >
          • Climbing Area Check List Part 1: Alabama to California
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 2: Colorado to Michigan
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 3: Minnesota to New Mexico
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 4: New York to Wyoming
        • Arizona >
          • Queen Creek Canyon
        • California >
          • Joshua Tree >
            • Joshua Tree Tips
          • Mount Whitney >
            • Mount Whitney Photos and Beta
        • Idaho
        • Oregon >
          • Smith Rock >
            • Smith Rock - Photos and Beta
            • Smith Rock Review
          • Spring Mountain >
            • Spring Mountain Review
            • Spring Mountain - Photos and Beta
          • Trout Creek >
            • Trout Creek Photos and Beta
            • Trout Creek Review
        • Nevada >
          • Gun Club
          • Keyhole Canyon
          • Mt. Charleston, Nevada
          • Red Rock Canyon >
            • Red Rock Canyon Review - Yeahs and Neahs
            • Red Rock Canyon Photos and Beta
        • New Hampshire >
          • North Conway, NH
          • Rumney, NH
        • New York >
          • Gunks Review
        • Utah >
          • Echo Canyon
          • Ferguson Canyon >
            • Ferguson Canyon Photos and Beta
            • Ferguson Canyon Review
          • Ibex >
            • Ibex Photos and Beta
            • Ibex Review
          • Maple Canyon >
            • Maple Canyon, Utah Photos and Beta
            • Maple Canyon Review
          • Moab >
            • Moab - Main - Photos and Beta
            • Moab -Main - Review
          • St. George >
            • St. George - Prophesy Wall- Photos and Beta
            • St. George - Prophesy Wall - Review
        • West Virginia >
          • Seneca Rocks
        • Wyoming >
          • Ten Sleep
  • Photographers & Artists
    • A-F - Photographers and Artists >
      • A- Brook Anderson
      • B - Florian Beyer
      • B - Michael Blowers
      • B - Phillip Booth
      • B - Guillaume Borga
      • B - Michaël Bortoluzzi
      • B - Michael Bretz
      • C - Karen Chan
      • C - Matt Cunningham
      • D - Daga Dygas
      • F - Eric Fallecker
    • G-N - Photographers and Artists >
      • G - Katherine González
      • G - Max Gordon
      • H - Clayton Herrmann
      • J - Michelle Ranee Johnson
      • K - Jethro Kiernan
      • K - Christine Kuebler
      • L - Shawn Lee Illustrator
      • L - LieseLotte P
      • L - Jim Lin
      • M - Lindsey Mathewson
      • M - Alex Messenger
      • N - Tiffany Nardico
    • O-Z- Photographers and Artists >
      • O - Charlie OlGrady-Kessner
      • O - Karmelo Onate
      • O - Camila Ospina
      • P - Diego Perez
      • S - Xavi Sanchez - Climbing Comic
      • S - Helmut Schulze
      • S - Bryan Sillorequez
      • S - Stephen Smithburger
      • S - Matt Spohn
      • V - Laura Vallo
      • W - Joel Wilson
      • Z - Eson Zhao
  • JOIN!
  • Submissions
  • About Common Climber
    • Why I Started Common Climber
    • Advisory Board
    • Welcome Dave Barnes!
  • Authors
    • A-F >
      • B - Stephanie Bahnsen
      • B - Alex Barlow
      • B - Dave Barnes >
        • Dave Barnes Extended Bio
      • B - Austin Beck-Doss
      • B - Keith Bell
      • B - Brianna Boney
      • C - Massimo Cappuccio
      • C - Carrot
      • C - Radek Chalupa
      • C - Lyle Closs
      • C - Erin Collins
      • C - James Crump
      • D - Stefani Dawn
      • D - Derek DeBruin
      • D - Nick Ducker
      • F - Tony Ferrar
    • G-O >
      • G - Joshua G
      • G - Leesa Gallia
      • G - Naomi Gibbs
      • G - Geoffrey Gledhill
      • G - Enock Glidden
      • G - Max Gordon (Contributor)
      • H - Grey Hensley
      • H - Bavali "Megs" Hill
      • H - Michael Hjorth
      • J - Jonathan
      • K- Melissa Kline
      • K - Christine Kuebler
      • L - Mike Lewis
      • L - Kaybe Loughran
      • M - Collin McGee
      • M - Tony McKenny
      • M - Aaron Mike
      • M - Rick Momsen
      • M - Jesse Montgomery
      • M - Henk Morgans
      • O - Maggie Odette
    • P-Z >
      • P - Emilie Pellerin
      • P - Brice Pollock
      • P - Paul Pritchard
      • R - Monique Richard
      • R - Juan Rodriguez
      • S - Lor Sabourin
      • S - Jess Sanson
      • S - Jeff Smoot
      • T- Frothy Thomson
      • T - Wil Treasure
      • T - Matt Tredway
      • T - Natalia (Tal) Tune
      • W - Kirby Walke
      • W - Hugh Ward
      • W - Stuart Williams
      • W - Wayne Willoughby
      • W - Lani Wilson
      • W - Dierdre Wolownick
      • Z - Peter Zabrok
  • Videos
  • Climbing Events 2023