Ice climbing, it’s so much fun
like when your screws melt-out when in the sun.
But when it is all said and done,
the trip goes better if you pack the rope gun.
Or, lead the pitch yourself instead,
if you are cool with injuries to the head.
You could use someone else’s old v-thread,
another option for ending up dead.
So many pleasures you can find,
frostbite and screaming barfies come to mind.
But there are rewards of another kind,
if fatal-risk is how you unwind.
Ice can be wibbley-wobbley, rimey-wimey,*
or completely fall apart, oh blimey!
Replacing this gear will nickel and dime me!
So if I still use straight shafts, don’t stink-eye me.
I also must give mixed its due,
if masochism is the thing for you.
Impaling your nails with bamboo
provides the same pain,
and it’s cheaper too! **
*Congrats to those who caught this Dr. Who reference! Do the Dr. Who and straight shaft references date me?
**The first time I was invited to go ice climbing, I said, "No, it sounds cold, dangerous, gear-intensive, contrived, and stupid." But I tried it, to demonstrate my open-mindedness. I found that it turned out to be very... cold, dangerous, gear-intensive, contrived, and stupid! But SO fun! I loved it! Then I tried mixed, which is even more insane. It's uber-pumpy, exhausting, frustrating, almost impossible, humiliating, and carries a high risk of lobotomy or enculeation with your adze. What's not to like?
like when your screws melt-out when in the sun.
But when it is all said and done,
the trip goes better if you pack the rope gun.
Or, lead the pitch yourself instead,
if you are cool with injuries to the head.
You could use someone else’s old v-thread,
another option for ending up dead.
So many pleasures you can find,
frostbite and screaming barfies come to mind.
But there are rewards of another kind,
if fatal-risk is how you unwind.
Ice can be wibbley-wobbley, rimey-wimey,*
or completely fall apart, oh blimey!
Replacing this gear will nickel and dime me!
So if I still use straight shafts, don’t stink-eye me.
I also must give mixed its due,
if masochism is the thing for you.
Impaling your nails with bamboo
provides the same pain,
and it’s cheaper too! **
*Congrats to those who caught this Dr. Who reference! Do the Dr. Who and straight shaft references date me?
**The first time I was invited to go ice climbing, I said, "No, it sounds cold, dangerous, gear-intensive, contrived, and stupid." But I tried it, to demonstrate my open-mindedness. I found that it turned out to be very... cold, dangerous, gear-intensive, contrived, and stupid! But SO fun! I loved it! Then I tried mixed, which is even more insane. It's uber-pumpy, exhausting, frustrating, almost impossible, humiliating, and carries a high risk of lobotomy or enculeation with your adze. What's not to like?