I am.
Those are powerful words that convey essence, being, and existence. Our being - our I AM - simply IS.
Although we as humans are fluid and our perspectives about ourselves and our world can shift with time, experience, and education, there are also elements inseparable from the “I am.” Those elements are undeniably core. When the reality of our “I am” is ignored, it calls deeply to be seen, heard, and respected through action, lest we fall into despair.
For some, climbing and being in the mountains is an “I am” level calling – if it is not done, if the mountains and the rock are absent, existence in this world is unbearable. The same is true for honoring our gender. I’m not talking about whether you have breasts, a penis, or a vagina; I’m talking about everything related to that all-encompassing word gender: our relationship and connection with our own body; how we truly desire to dress and look; our mannerisms and how we naturally talk; and most importantly, how we FEEL. When we allow ourselves to be at our most natural, our gender is part of “I am,” and it is unique and individual.
Of course gender is complex. We are constantly being influenced by and even rebelling against societal “norms,” social media, and advertising telling us what a “real man” or “real woman” looks or acts like. For some those representations ring true, for others they are an absolute denial of the self.
As humans though, we like to fit things into tidy boxes: male, female, black, white, married, single, gay, straight, hip, nerd, pious, sinner, good, bad. It’s our own way of controlling the terrifying unknowns of the universe. But such categorization gives a false sense of control. Although categorizing can help us frame things, intuitively we know that the world is far more complex and every possible variation exists.
This is where I invite you to open your mind and to allow the walls of those "boxes" to blur, if not disappear altogether, particularly when it comes to gender. I also invite you to open your heart, to see the beauty in ourselves, the way we are, as well as the beauty in those who are different from us.
I ask you to do this because I’d like you to connect with this article and connect with another human being - climber Claire Larson. Claire, first and foremost is a climber doing what each of seeks in our lives: self-actualization - honoring ourselves to the point where our actions align with what brings true joy. For Claire, this means being a climber and a woman.
At birth Claire was assigned a “male” gender, but as mentioned above, gender goes far beyond body parts. Claire is, and always has been, a girl. However, the “tidy boxes” and societal “norms” were constantly pushing her into being male – or what she, her family, and all those around her, thought that meant.
This internal pull towards being female coupled with societal pushes towards being male generated such intense internal conflicts that she struggled with depression and ultimately attempted to take her own life. What kind of society are we that we would create such barriers and circumstances that someone feels dying is the only way out? If we call ourselves a compassionate society, then we must show compassion.
Fortunately, Claire survived. In her healing process she has fully embraced the “I AM,” which means being a female ice climber training to be an alpinist. To honor that dream Claire has settled down in Bozeman, Montana where she originally went to college to climb and study film and photography. But, during her first stint in Bozeman, Claire was a “male” to the outside world.
After graduating from college Claire spent time in San Francisco and then New Zealand. In New Zealand the queer, straight, male, female, open-box, closed-box conflicts came into crystal-clear focus. Claire was working at a restaurant that actually had more non-New Zealanders employed than New Zealanders. It was the most toxic, overtly bigoted, racist, homophobic place she had ever encountered. Yet once she stepped outside of those kitchen walls, she found the New Zealanders to be some of the most caring, open-minded, non-judgmental people. The realization of the clear differences between her home nation and New Zealand, coupled with the immediate and extremely toxic working environment, amplified in Claire a deep loss and despair. Claire attempted suicide.
Claire returned to the U.S. and checked herself into a mental health facility. Here she was introduced to the healing world of therapy. Upon release Claire went home to Kansas to regroup and seek the support of her family to allow her true self to emerge. It was a learning process for everyone, but through therapy, self-acceptance, and self-actualization, Claire now feels excitement and joy. She can be herself, finally.
When Claire announced that she was going back to Bozeman, friends and family initially questioned her choice. They wondered, “Why not go back to San Francisco where there is a large representation of transgender people? Why place yourself into a community that is full of homophobia and transphobia?”
“Because I love it there,” was her response. “Because I climb rocks, ice, and mountains. I cannot separate being trans from my climbing.”
Those are powerful words that convey essence, being, and existence. Our being - our I AM - simply IS.
Although we as humans are fluid and our perspectives about ourselves and our world can shift with time, experience, and education, there are also elements inseparable from the “I am.” Those elements are undeniably core. When the reality of our “I am” is ignored, it calls deeply to be seen, heard, and respected through action, lest we fall into despair.
For some, climbing and being in the mountains is an “I am” level calling – if it is not done, if the mountains and the rock are absent, existence in this world is unbearable. The same is true for honoring our gender. I’m not talking about whether you have breasts, a penis, or a vagina; I’m talking about everything related to that all-encompassing word gender: our relationship and connection with our own body; how we truly desire to dress and look; our mannerisms and how we naturally talk; and most importantly, how we FEEL. When we allow ourselves to be at our most natural, our gender is part of “I am,” and it is unique and individual.
Of course gender is complex. We are constantly being influenced by and even rebelling against societal “norms,” social media, and advertising telling us what a “real man” or “real woman” looks or acts like. For some those representations ring true, for others they are an absolute denial of the self.
As humans though, we like to fit things into tidy boxes: male, female, black, white, married, single, gay, straight, hip, nerd, pious, sinner, good, bad. It’s our own way of controlling the terrifying unknowns of the universe. But such categorization gives a false sense of control. Although categorizing can help us frame things, intuitively we know that the world is far more complex and every possible variation exists.
This is where I invite you to open your mind and to allow the walls of those "boxes" to blur, if not disappear altogether, particularly when it comes to gender. I also invite you to open your heart, to see the beauty in ourselves, the way we are, as well as the beauty in those who are different from us.
I ask you to do this because I’d like you to connect with this article and connect with another human being - climber Claire Larson. Claire, first and foremost is a climber doing what each of seeks in our lives: self-actualization - honoring ourselves to the point where our actions align with what brings true joy. For Claire, this means being a climber and a woman.
At birth Claire was assigned a “male” gender, but as mentioned above, gender goes far beyond body parts. Claire is, and always has been, a girl. However, the “tidy boxes” and societal “norms” were constantly pushing her into being male – or what she, her family, and all those around her, thought that meant.
This internal pull towards being female coupled with societal pushes towards being male generated such intense internal conflicts that she struggled with depression and ultimately attempted to take her own life. What kind of society are we that we would create such barriers and circumstances that someone feels dying is the only way out? If we call ourselves a compassionate society, then we must show compassion.
Fortunately, Claire survived. In her healing process she has fully embraced the “I AM,” which means being a female ice climber training to be an alpinist. To honor that dream Claire has settled down in Bozeman, Montana where she originally went to college to climb and study film and photography. But, during her first stint in Bozeman, Claire was a “male” to the outside world.
After graduating from college Claire spent time in San Francisco and then New Zealand. In New Zealand the queer, straight, male, female, open-box, closed-box conflicts came into crystal-clear focus. Claire was working at a restaurant that actually had more non-New Zealanders employed than New Zealanders. It was the most toxic, overtly bigoted, racist, homophobic place she had ever encountered. Yet once she stepped outside of those kitchen walls, she found the New Zealanders to be some of the most caring, open-minded, non-judgmental people. The realization of the clear differences between her home nation and New Zealand, coupled with the immediate and extremely toxic working environment, amplified in Claire a deep loss and despair. Claire attempted suicide.
Claire returned to the U.S. and checked herself into a mental health facility. Here she was introduced to the healing world of therapy. Upon release Claire went home to Kansas to regroup and seek the support of her family to allow her true self to emerge. It was a learning process for everyone, but through therapy, self-acceptance, and self-actualization, Claire now feels excitement and joy. She can be herself, finally.
When Claire announced that she was going back to Bozeman, friends and family initially questioned her choice. They wondered, “Why not go back to San Francisco where there is a large representation of transgender people? Why place yourself into a community that is full of homophobia and transphobia?”
“Because I love it there,” was her response. “Because I climb rocks, ice, and mountains. I cannot separate being trans from my climbing.”
Claire Larson ice climbing in the green jacket. Photo Credit: Michelle Ridge.
As a society we demonstrate our growth when our thinking reaches a point where people can freely live where they choose. Claire has an unquestionable right to be wherever she wants, climbing whatever she wants, safely, without fear, and with the full support of the people around her.
I asked Claire how she felt talking about being a trans-climber. She said, “I don’t want to be recognized as a trans-climber. I just want to be Claire, a climber. But I also realize that when I was 16-years old, 18-years old, I didn’t have the language of being transgender. There was no one to look up to, no one like me, no role models. I had nobody. That was very lonely and difficult. Right now, GNC people - gender non-conforming, trans, and two-spirit people, which is like a third gender common in some Native American Communities - are among the first generations demanding significant and equal space in our society. In order to obtain that space, we must be willing to speak. If me sharing my story helps one person recognize how awesome it is that they exist, then it’s worth it.”
As for Claire’s photography and film, she tried the freelance life that it requires and didn’t like it. Her preference is working in the kitchen and a steady pay check and embracing photography for her own creative expression. Claire currently captures photos of transgender people living in rural areas.
When asked about the representation of LGBTQ in climbing, Claire said she would love to see more representation in leadership, mentoring, and guiding. Claire mentions Nikki Smith as an example for leadership and that Nikki hosted the first Queer Ice Clinic in Bozeman. Unfortunately, COVID nixed the 2020 clinic, but hopefully subsequent years will allow this important festival to continue.
When asked about her climbing goals, Claire said this year she is working on being a confident lead climber, both on the rock and on ice. Her vision is to apply those skills to bigger alpine climbs, and Bozeman is the perfect place to do that.
Claire Larson self portrait.
Transgender Education
Those outside of the LGBTQ community may have some questions about LGBTQ and transgender people. Here are a few basics to raise your awareness.
What is the difference between transgender, cross dresser, and drag?
According to the GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Media Reference Guide here are some helpful definitions:
How does transgender relate to sexuality?
Transgender is lumped into the acronym LGTBQ [Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bi-Sexual, or Queer/Questioning (which refers to questioning their sexual orientation] but transgender is distinct from sexual orientation. Transgender refers to when a person feels and sees themselves differently from the gender assigned to them at birth. It’s about who you ARE. This can mean a person born as a male is actually female. A person born as a female is actually a male. Or they can be non-binary, when their gender cannot be defined as male or female.
According to the GLAAD Media Institute, “sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to and fall in love with.” A transgender person may have affinity for males, females, non-binary, or all of the above. “A person who transitions from male to female and is attracted solely to men would typically identify as a straight woman. A person who transitions from female to male and is attracted solely to men would typically identify as a gay man.” But always keep in mind, every person is unique and their preferences on how they refer to themselves may vary.
Below are some specific tips about how to respect and support transgender people. If you want to more details about each tip please visit the GLAAD website:
Below are some helpful resources from the GLAAD Media Institute
What is the difference between transgender, cross dresser, and drag?
According to the GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Media Reference Guide here are some helpful definitions:
- Transgender: “People whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender women are not cross-dressers or drag queens.”
- Cross-dresser: “While anyone may wear clothes associated with a different sex, the term cross-dresser is typically used to refer to men who occasionally wear clothes, makeup, and accessories culturally associated with women. Those men typically identify as heterosexual. This activity is a form of gender expression and not done for entertainment purposes. Cross-dressers do not wish to permanently change their sex or live full-time as women.
- Drag/Drag Queen: “Men, typically gay men, who dress up as women for the purpose of entertainment.”
How does transgender relate to sexuality?
Transgender is lumped into the acronym LGTBQ [Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bi-Sexual, or Queer/Questioning (which refers to questioning their sexual orientation] but transgender is distinct from sexual orientation. Transgender refers to when a person feels and sees themselves differently from the gender assigned to them at birth. It’s about who you ARE. This can mean a person born as a male is actually female. A person born as a female is actually a male. Or they can be non-binary, when their gender cannot be defined as male or female.
According to the GLAAD Media Institute, “sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to and fall in love with.” A transgender person may have affinity for males, females, non-binary, or all of the above. “A person who transitions from male to female and is attracted solely to men would typically identify as a straight woman. A person who transitions from female to male and is attracted solely to men would typically identify as a gay man.” But always keep in mind, every person is unique and their preferences on how they refer to themselves may vary.
Below are some specific tips about how to respect and support transgender people. If you want to more details about each tip please visit the GLAAD website:
- You can't tell if someone is transgender just by looking.
- Don't make assumptions about a transgender person's sexual orientation.
- If you don't know what pronouns to use, listen first.
- Don't ask a transgender person what their "real name" is. Respect the name a transgender person is currently using.
- Don't share photos of someone from before their transition, unless you have their permission.
- "Coming out" to other people as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is typically seen as revealing a truth that allows other people to know your authentic self. The LGB community places great importance and value on the idea of being "out" in order to be happy and whole. When a transgender person has transitioned and is living their life as their authentic self--that is their truth. The world now sees them as who they truly are. Unfortunately, it can often feel disempowering for a transgender person to disclose to other people that they are transgender.
- Be careful about confidentiality, disclosure, and "outing." Some transgender people feel comfortable disclosing their gender history, and some do not. A transgender person's gender history is personal information and it is up to them to share it with others.
- Respect the terminology a transgender person uses to describe their identity.
- Be patient with a person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity.
- Understand there is no "right" or "wrong" way to transition, and that it is different for every person. A transgender person's identity is not dependent on medical procedures or their physicality. Accept that if someone tells you they are transgender, they are.
- Don't ask about a transgender person's genitals, surgical status, or sex life.
- Avoid backhanded compliments and "helpful" tips. (e.g. “You look just like a real woman.” “You'd pass so much better if you wore less/more make-up, had a better wig, etc.” “Have you considered a voice coach?”) Allow people to be who they are as they are.
- Challenge anti-transgender remarks or jokes in public spaces, including LGB spaces.
- Support all-gender public restrooms.
- Help make your company or group truly trans-inclusive.
- At meetings and events, set an inclusive tone. In a group setting, identify people by articles of clothing instead of using gendered language. For example, the "person in the blue shirt," instead of the "woman in the front."
- Listen to transgender people.
- Learn that transgender people are not new. Transgender people have existed across cultures and throughout time and history. What is new is the heightened awareness of gender diversity and the transgender community because of increased media attention in the last few decades.
- Know your own limits as an ally. Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. It is better to admit you don't know something than to make assumptions or say something that may be incorrect or hurtful.
Below are some helpful resources from the GLAAD Media Institute
- Transgender Glossary: https://www.glaad.org/reference/transgender
- Transgender FAQ: https://www.glaad.org/transgender/transfaq
- Tips for Allies of Transgender People: https://www.glaad.org/transgender/allies
- Media Reference Guide: https://www.glaad.org/reference