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Zone of Craptitude


​By Stefani Dawn ​​​
This isn’t a story of an epic. There are no bleed-outs or against all odds edge-of-your-seat almost-sends on a first ascent. This is a story of being in “the zone” – a different kind of zone - one where two regular-ole-climbers cross into an unseen, random bubble -- the “zone of craptitude.”
 
After a successful but mini-epic ascent up the East Buttress of Mt. Whitney we decided to chill out for some relaxed touristy gawking at beautiful Lake Tahoe and then partake in some climbing at nearby Lover’s Leap.
 
Several friends have raved about Lover’s Leap, then, when a random woman at a climbing shop in Bishop went on-and-on about the fun, easy trad multi-pitch climbs at Lover’s Leap, we were sold. After bailing on staying longer at Whitney, we had a few spare vacation days and decided to take "the leap."
 
As we approached the crag's vicinity, the sun’s evening glow shone through the pines. I pulled up the map on my phone and waited patiently - ok, not so patiently - as the spinning wheel-of-death went on and on and on. The map grid painstakingly filled in during the single bar of 3G.
 
While waiting, I read the guidebook about camping in the area. We were crippled without a full map and tried to follow the guidebook's written directions. We turned left on roads, right on roads, we turned around numerous times, all in an attempt to locate these nearby areas of free camping.
 
Eventually we were pretty certain we found the correct street, but there were only cabins. We drove deeper. More cabins. All we saw was cabin after cabin. Unless we pitched a tent in someone’s front yard, camping here was a no-go.
 
Plan 2: The guidebook said there is more free camping further down the highway.
 
We escaped cabin suburbia and drove on, the sunlight was completely absent now. After locating the narrow dirt road and climbing steeply, the thick, steep vegetated sides of the road were definitely not camp-able.  We randomly went left and right on Y’s, hoping to locate a flat enough spot on which to pitch a tent.
 
Our frustration level was nearing the red-zone after encountering nothing but hillside and trees. Eventually we reached a dead end with a small turn-around large enough to park the car and pitch the tent - yeah.
 
We climbed into the tent, exhausted. Just as we were dozing off, an engine brake of an 18-wheeler blared through the trees. The lights of cars and sounds of tires and engines whirled past. Despite all that winding up the road, we ended up right above the highway. How is it so many people are driving at 3 a.m.?
 
As the dawn broke through the trees and gave us forced "relief" from the futile attempts at sleep, we decided to check out the Lover’s Leap campground, reasoning it had to be better than this. It was also near the climbing.
 
We arrived to find a couple of campsite spaces still available. We grabbed a site, parked the car, hauled our stuff to the walk-in site, and made breakfast. Then, as I cooked, they came. One little innocent yellow jacket wasp checked me out, left, and told his buddies of the goods. Suddenly we were surrounded by not just a few, but dozens of wasps, multiple dozens of wasps. We literally could not eat without almost inserting one into our mouths.
 
We strategically retreated to the tent. Timing the door opening, with a rapid dive-in, and then handing the food quickly through a small hole in the door. We frantically swatted and waved, attempting to make the wind-flow pressure differential strong enough to keep the damn things out of the tent. They buzzed around and landed on the mesh netting, awaiting our tasty return outside.
 
It wasn’t long before the sun’s beams moved into the gaps between the trees, turning the tent into a solar oven, while the yellow jackets swarmed outside. The zone of craptitude was proudly displaying its multiple forms of crappiness.
 
Rick and I looked at each other and knew that the only way to escape the zone was to climb out of it.  Yes, climbing solves nearly all problems.

We reviewed the guidebook, rapidly exited the tent, attempted to follow the correct trail, and proceeded to walk right past our chosen climb. After back-tracking and finally locating the climb, a couple was now at the base flaking their rope. Damn.
 
We then wandered aimlessly, seeking a suitable alternative. How about this? Nope. Or, this? Nope. Desperate, we said screw it, let’s pick anything and climb. We found an easy climb with minimal information. It was mixed bolts and trad. It looked pretty cool, with multiple dike-ish bands intersecting the route. I tied in to take the lead.

Although the first bolt was a good 30 feet up, it looked as though there were plenty of places for pro. Wrong. I kept going higher and higher, looking for something, anything to place my first piece of protection. I was getting scared and my ability to control my fear was nixed from being mentally and physically stressed from Whitney, the lack of sleep, and being in "the craptitude zone" – I was about to lose it. Finally I decided to veer off route, far left, just to get something in.
 
I studied the route and what lay between me and the bolt that was now above and far to the right. One of the features of Lover’s Leap are horizontal bands of dike-like intrusions. Each band is like a welcomed relief of jugs, but in between are blank faces. If you are tall enough to climb from band to band, the climb is easy. If you aren't tall enough, as I discovered, the climb is considerably more difficult. It was a long, blank, grey expanse of rock between me, the bolt, and the next dike band.
 
I cussed and struggled with each tier, and then I heard a buzz around my head. It found me. A yellow jacket found me and any little remnants of food on my clothing. With each move of my arm it was swept off my shirt and then it buzzed around trying to get back to its little meal.

The next bolt after my last clip was another 20 foot run out. There were no cracks. A fall would likely mean decking. Then the little shit flew up my pant leg. In a blur, somehow, I simultaneously shook my right leg to dislodge it, moved far left to a seam off route, and slammed in some pro. I yelled down to Rick, “A wasp flew up my pants. I’m done. Please lower me.”

Amazingly, the zone of craptitude did not fully digress into the zone of shit-titude, as I did not get stung.

While I set up to belay I acquiesced to let the visitor and his new buddy eat the rest of my breakfast from my shirt. As they landed and buzzed in alternating, highly annoying cycles, I was glad to have my brake-assisted ATC (the Edelrid Mega Jul).
 
Rick finished the route, rescued the gear, and declared upon hitting the ground that, even with his 6-foot frame and no yellow jackets, that route indeed sucked. Clearly we have more to explore in Lover's Leap.
 
As the yellow jackets buzzed around our heads, we realized that even our climbing was fully immersed in the zone and we just needed to get home. After one climb (a partial one for me), we broke camp, packed the car, and started heading home, which required us to pass through Tahoe. We then proceeded to get stuck for several hours in a holiday weekend traffic jam. 

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  • Writing
    • All Writings (List)
    • Editions >
      • Themed Editions >
        • Adaptive Climbing Edition >
          • Adaptive Climbing Photo Feature: Paradox Sports
          • Advocating for Deaf Climbers: Sonya Wilson
          • Amputations: Leg Prosthesis for Climbing
          • Blind Ambition Builds a World Class Climber: The Story of Jesse Dufton
          • Climbing with Type 1 Diabetes
          • First Paralyzed Ascents: Rand Abbott
          • Mixed Climbing: My Answer to KT Syndrome
          • Paraclimbing Competitions: Althlete Interviews
          • Rock!
          • The Unreasonable Man
        • Belaytionships Edition >
          • Featured Photographer: Charlie OlGrady-Kessner
          • Belaytionships: Drew-and-Sarah
          • Belaytionships: Jeantique and Natalie
          • Belaytionships: Maggie and Charlie Odette
          • I Am My Father's Son: Layton Bridwell
          • Book Review: Uncoiling the Ropes
          • Zac the Interloper
        • Big Wall Edition >
          • Book Review: Paul Preuss: Lord of the Abyss
          • Featured Photographer: Matt Spohn
          • Grading Commitment
          • Hanging with the Monkeys, and Getting the Monkey Off My Back
          • It Was His Time: Brad Gobright Interview May 2019
          • John Middendorf : A Big Man for a Big Stone
          • Sébastien Berthe Free Climbs the Nose From the Ground Up
          • Shit Happens – Or, Why You Need a Walkie Talkie
        • Developers and Guidebook Authors >
          • Developer - Mitch Lehman
          • Andrew Penny - A Blue Mountaineer
          • Kevin Powell
          • Rock Star Groupie
          • Tony Calderone
        • Exploring Our World >
          • AUSTRALIA - Photographer - Diego Perez
          • AUSTRALIA - Profile - Julie Anderson
          • Book Review - Climbing Rock
          • CHINA - From Yangshuo, to Getu, to Liming
          • FRANCE - Verdon in Winter
          • GREECE - Meteora
          • ITALY - Dolomites
          • MEXICO - La Huasteca
          • SPAIN - Artist - Karmelo Onate
          • UTAH - Maple Canyon: This One Makes You Taller
        • Honoring Diversity >
          • ARTIST: Shawn Lee
          • A Shift on Moonlight Buttress
          • Claiming a Space on the Mountain
          • Colorblind
          • Feature Photographer: Bryan Sillorequez
          • Is Diversity in America Diverse?
          • MOVIE: People of Climbing:
          • Profile - Favia Dubyk
          • The Lineage
        • Joshua Tree >
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          • Improv at JTree: Bad Bolts
          • JTree: Bolting Pressure Cooker
          • Joshua Tree: Heinous Approaches
        • Overcoming Boundaries >
          • Photographer - Brook Anderson
          • Profile - Louise Shepherd
          • Profile - Megan Banker
          • Profile - Shawn Axelrod
          • Rock Type 1
          • The Tape Job
        • Women's Edition >
          • Editorial - Women's Edition
          • Climbing is My Art
          • Mt. Logan Solo
          • Photographer - Michelle Ranee Johnson
          • Profile - Caitlin Schokker
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    • Topics >
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      • Alpine & Ice >
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        • My Common Alpine Epic
        • Vertical Ice Climbing in Ontario, Canada, eh?
      • CC Profile >
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        • Profile: Wendy Bruere - More Than It Hurts
        • Profile - Favia Dubyk
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        • Profile - Lindsey Hamm
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        • PROFILE - Marisa Michael - Nutrition for Climbers
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        • Profile - Louise Shepherd
      • CoVID and Climbing >
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        • Dear Memory
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        • Trying to Send this Route
      • Equipment (writings) >
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        • A Rack Retrospective
        • Cam Ranges (+ Big Bros)
        • Carabiner Strength Ratings
        • Climbing Shoes Fit
        • Guide Book Follies
        • Rope Buying 101
        • Shit Happens – Or, Why You Need a Walkie Talkie
        • The One Item to Stockpile
        • Which Way Should I Carry My Trad Rack?
        • Why GriGris Suck
        • 8 Reasons I Carry a Full Rack on Every Trad Climb
      • Facebook Feature >
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        • FF: Welcome New Climbers
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        • Grading Climbs at the Gym
        • It's a F-ing Chimney
        • Onsight vs Flash vs Etc...
        • Top 10: Increase the Climbing Grade When...
        • Trad Climbing is for Chicken Sh*#s
        • WTF 5.7?
        • 18 Climber Types: Which Are You?
      • Kids >
        • Family Stages
        • The Guidebook
      • Legends >
        • B - Joe Brown
        • G - Brad Gobright
        • G - Todd Gordon
        • H - Hugh Herr
        • H - Thomas Huber - In Another World - A Personal Climbing Journey
        • J - Saxon Johns
        • M - Tim Macartney-Snape: ​A Legend from Sea to Summit
        • M - John Middendorf
      • Mental-Physical >
        • Climbing Training Series >
          • Improving Hip Mobility
          • Rock Climber Mobility
          • Train the Mind: Mental Toughness Tips for Quaratraining
        • A Climb Worth Fighting For
        • Achilles
        • Everyone Around Me Is Better Than I Am
        • Fear, Pride, and Exploration
        • How Auto-Immune Disease Affected My Climbing
        • Mastering Joy on Easy Street
        • Mind, Body, and Soul
        • My Demon Has a Name
        • New Year's Resolutions
        • Of Cartoons and Quickdraws
        • Push and Pull
        • Sorcerer and the Kidney Stone
        • Take Risks - You'll Remember Them Later
        • The Art of Climbing Without Rock
        • The Devil's Game
        • The Eye
        • The Taste of Climbing
        • 12-Weeks to Onsighting a 5.8
      • Other/Misc >
        • Assault on Schurman Rock
        • Book Club
        • Climbing, Community, and the U.S. Presidential Election
        • Climbing Drinking Games
        • Climbing Gyms: The Gateway Drug
        • Climbing Hands
        • Climbing in the Bare Essentials
        • Climbing Resolutions
        • Demented Dirtbag
        • Don't Take Granite for Granite
        • Dorothy, We Aren't on Havana Anymore
        • Guatemalan Worry Dolls Go Climbing
        • No Health Insurance Changed How I Climb
        • Snakes and Ladders
        • Starting Over
        • The Adventure of A Lifetime - So Far
        • The Bane of Northwest Climbing
        • The Pink Tricam
        • Things of Stone and Wood
        • We Were Just Boys
        • Zac the Interloper
      • Places & Climbs >
        • Climbs >
          • Consolation Prize
          • Flakes and Shakes: Flake Crack Revisited
          • From Yorkshire to Eternity
          • Tiptoeing Through Some Bungles
          • Tombstone Territory
          • Yosemite - What We Came For
        • Location Reviews
        • My Home Crag >
          • Climbing in the Upper Cumberland Valley, Kentucky
          • Drytooling in the Rain - Wayne's World, WA
          • My Home Crag: Nowra, NSW, Australia
          • The Kenyan Climber
        • Travel Stories >
          • Blue Mountains - Bliss: Climbing in the Blueys
          • Buenos Aires, Argentina Crag
          • Colorado - Calling Pat Ament
          • Coolum Cave - Sendfest 8
          • Ecuador - A Nation of Four Worlds
          • Egypt: The Sinai Sampler
          • El Potrero Chico - Riding the Dirty Dog
          • Yosemite: Growing Up
          • Lover's Leap - Zone of Craptitude
          • Rio de Janeiro - Classic Climbs Sampler
          • Taghia, Morocco - Hardly Failing
          • Tasmania - Legend of the ‘Unclimbable Cliff’
          • Thailand - Lost and Found: A Mini-Epic in Paradise
          • Vedauwoo, WY
          • Yosemite - What We Came For
          • 20 World Destinations for Adventurous Climbing
        • 2020 U.S. Rock Climbing Festivals
      • Poetry/Prose >
        • Anti-Social Climbers
        • Sojourn at Dyuritte
        • Finding Poetry
        • Ice is Nice
        • The Space Between
      • Safety and Skills >
        • Bolting and Ground-Fall Potential
        • Euro-Death Knot is NOT
        • Multi-Pitch Tips: Two ATCs
        • Sketchy Anchor Bolts
        • Sliding-X Anchor
        • Three Ways to Use a Stick Clip
        • Top 10: Climbing Best Practices
      • Science Fiction >
        • Red Curtain: Prologue
      • Social, Social Media, & Social Issues >
        • Chossy Trio Renegades
        • Climbing into the Fold
        • Diversity in Climbing is Not a Bandwagon
        • Fuck "Gumbies" and "Noobs"
        • Montana, My Home: Claire Larson
        • My Husband Climbs Stronger than Me
        • Navajo Rising
        • Social Network Rescue
  • Marketplace
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    • Dynamite Starfish
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    • Furnace Industries
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    • Neilico
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    • Rockytalkies
    • Tension Climbing
  • Reviews
    • Books >
      • Advanced Rock Climbing Book Review
      • Adventures at the Edge of the World
      • Climbing Rock: Vertical Explorations Across North America
      • Hangdog Days Book Review
      • HOOKING UP: The Ultimate Big Wall and Aid Climbing Manual
      • Paul Preuss: Lord of the Abyss
      • The Sharp End of Life: A Mother's Story - Book Review
    • Equipment/Gear Reviews >
      • Belay Device Review >
        • Edelrid Mega Jul
      • Harnesses >
        • ArcTeryx-FL-365
        • Misty Mountain Cadillac
      • Packs and Bags >
        • Sukoa Chalk Bag Review
        • Trango Crag Pack
      • Personal Anchor Systems >
        • Camp-Daisy-Twist
        • Petzl-Dual-Adjust
      • Other >
        • Dr. Piton's Review of the D4 Delta2P Portaledge
    • Location Reviews >
      • Australia >
        • Queensland, Australia >
          • Kangaroo Point Photos and Beta
          • Kangaroo Point Review
        • New South Wales Australia >
          • Blue Mountains >
            • Blue Mountains Photos and Beta
            • Blue Mountains Review
          • Nowra >
            • Nowra Review >
              • Nowra Photos and Beta
      • Mexico >
        • Potrero Chico Photos and Beta
        • Potrero Chico Review
      • United States >
        • Climbing Area Check List - U.S. >
          • Climbing Area Check List Part 1: Alabama to California
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 2: Colorado to Michigan
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 3: Minnesota to New Mexico
          • Climbing Area Checklist Part 4: New York to Wyoming
        • Arizona >
          • Queen Creek Canyon
        • California >
          • Joshua Tree >
            • Joshua Tree Tips
          • Mount Whitney >
            • Mount Whitney Photos and Beta
        • Idaho >
          • City of Rocks >
            • City of Rocks Photos and Beta
            • City of Rocks Review
        • Oregon >
          • Smith Rock >
            • Smith Rock - Photos and Beta
            • Smith Rock Review
          • Spring Mountain >
            • Spring Mountain Review
            • Spring Mountain - Photos and Beta
          • Trout Creek >
            • Trout Creek Photos and Beta
            • Trout Creek Review
        • Nevada >
          • Gun Club
          • Keyhole Canyon
          • Mt. Charleston, Nevada
          • Red Rock Canyon >
            • Red Rock Canyon Review - Yeahs and Neahs
            • Red Rocks Photos and Beta
        • New Hampshire >
          • North Conway, NH
          • Rumney, NH
        • New York >
          • Gunks Review
        • Utah >
          • Echo Canyon
          • Ferguson Canyon >
            • Ferguson Canyon Photos and Beta
            • Ferguson Canyon Review
          • Ibex >
            • Ibex Photos and Beta
            • Ibex Review
          • Maple Canyon >
            • Maple Canyon, Utah Photos and Beta
            • Maple Canyon Review
          • Moab >
            • Moab - Main - Photos and Beta
            • Moab -Main - Review
          • St. George >
            • St. George - Prophesy Wall- Photos and Beta
            • St. George - Prophesy Wall - Review
        • West Virginia >
          • Seneca Rocks
        • Wyoming >
          • Ten Sleep
  • Photographers & Artists
    • A- Brook Anderson
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      • Dave Barnes Extended Bio
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    • T- Frothy Thomson
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    • Z - Peter Zabrok